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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drink
Either
Hand
Less
Hands
Drinking
Anymore
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
