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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Hand
Less
Hands
Drinking
Anymore
Drink
Either
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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