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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drinking
Unless
Stocked
House
Covet
Wells
Shalt
Well
Bars
Alcohol
Neighbor
Thou
More quotes by W. C. Fields
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
