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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Neighbor
Thou
Drinking
Unless
Stocked
House
Covet
Wells
Shalt
Well
Bars
Alcohol
More quotes by W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I like children - fried.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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I drink therefore I am.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
W. C. Fields
