Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drinking
Unless
Stocked
House
Covet
Wells
Shalt
Well
Bars
Alcohol
Neighbor
Thou
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. Fields
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. Fields
Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
