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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drinking
Exercise
Days
Hours
Upon
Arising
Back
Tremble
Would
Shake
Shakes

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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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