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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drink
Gin
Control
Breakfast
Food
Witty
Funny
Humorous
Strong
Drunk
Anything
Drinking
Self
Stronger
Never
Exercise
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
W. C. Fields
