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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
House
Drinking
Else
Seven
Always
Early
Claus
Least
Santa
Seeing
Pleasant
Start
Christmas
Times
Anywhere
Everyone
Six

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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