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You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cheat
Honesty
Wine
Honest
Truth
Men
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I'm searching for loopholes.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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