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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cooking
Fluid
Doctors
Babies
Baby
Culinary
Drink
Helpless
Health
Milk
Food
Dues
Force
Doctor
Illness
Insistence
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I drink therefore I am.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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