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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Health
Milk
Food
Dues
Force
Doctor
Illness
Insistence
Cooking
Fluid
Doctors
Babies
Baby
Culinary
Drink
Helpless
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
