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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Force
Doctor
Illness
Insistence
Cooking
Fluid
Doctors
Babies
Baby
Culinary
Drink
Helpless
Health
Milk
Food
Dues
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. Fields
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
