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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Health
Turn
Days
Turns
Funny
Two
Hospital
Hospitals
Nurse
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
