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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Turn
Days
Turns
Funny
Two
Hospital
Hospitals
Nurse
Health
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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