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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Health
Turn
Days
Turns
Funny
Two
Hospital
Hospitals
Nurse
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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