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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Two
Hospital
Hospitals
Nurse
Health
Turn
Days
Turns
Funny
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
W. C. Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. Fields
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
