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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Half
Money
Women
Wasted
Gambling
Alcohol
Wild
Spent
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
W. C. Fields
I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
