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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Wild
Spent
Half
Money
Women
Wasted
Gambling
Alcohol
More quotes by W. C. Fields
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
Ain't fit for man nor beast
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
