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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Wasted
Gambling
Alcohol
Wild
Spent
Half
Money
Women

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. Fields