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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Fool
Religion
Living
Enough
Make
Time
People
Decent
Atheism
More quotes by W. C. Fields
In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
W. C. Fields
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. Fields
