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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Time
People
Decent
Atheism
Fool
Religion
Living
Enough
Make
More quotes by W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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