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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Woman
Mother
Even
Never
Life

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Never work with animals or children.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields