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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Even
Never
Life
Woman
Mother

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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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