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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Woman
Mother
Even
Never
Life

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields
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You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
W. C. Fields
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
W. C. Fields
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. Fields
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields