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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Woman
Mother
Even
Never
Life
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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