Quote

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

W. C. Fields

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Never
Life
Woman
Mother
Even

More quotes by W. C. Fields

Image
No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
Image
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
Image
Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
Image
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
Image
I'm looking for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
Image
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
Image
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. Fields
Image
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
Image
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
Image
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
Image
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Image
It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
Image
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
Image
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
Image
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
Image
If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
Image
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
Image
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
Image
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
Image
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields