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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Philadelphia
Town
Towns
Spent
Week
Wonderful
Night

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I never eat before breakfast.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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