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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Town
Towns
Spent
Week
Wonderful
Night
Philadelphia

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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields