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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Things
Philadelphia
Considered
Rather

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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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