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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Firsts
Come
First
Tender
Children
Seven
Thing
Tough
Always
Food
Child
Hours
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
W. C. Fields