Quote

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Firsts
Come
First
Tender
Children
Seven
Thing
Tough
Always
Food
Child
Hours

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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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