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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Come
First
Tender
Children
Seven
Thing
Tough
Always
Food
Child
Hours
Firsts
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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