Quote

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Honest
Sprung
Like
Break
Sucker
Used
Uncle
Give
Trap
Giving
Uncles
Charlie
Even
Traps
Never
Cheat
Chumps
Men

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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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