Quote

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Give
Trap
Giving
Uncles
Even
Charlie
Never
Traps
Men
Cheat
Chumps
Like
Honest
Sprung
Break
Sucker
Used
Uncle

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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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