Quote

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Like
Honest
Sprung
Break
Sucker
Used
Uncle
Give
Trap
Giving
Uncles
Even
Charlie
Never
Traps
Men
Cheat
Chumps

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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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