Quote

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Giving
Uncles
Even
Charlie
Traps
Never
Cheat
Chumps
Men
Honest
Sprung
Like
Break
Sucker
Used
Uncle
Give
Trap

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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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