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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Thought
Thank
Bills
Goodness
Spend
Lasts
Last
Lost
Night
Bill
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I like children - fried.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
W. C. Fields
I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
