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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Things
Funnier
Bend
Break
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
W. C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
W. C. Fields
To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
W. C. Fields
