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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cooked
Properly
Explanation
Children
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More quotes by W. C. Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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