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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cooked
Properly
Explanation
Children
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More quotes by W. C. Fields
I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
