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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Explanation
Children
Like
Cooked
Properly
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
W. C. Fields
I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. Fields
