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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cooked
Properly
Explanation
Children
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More quotes by W. C. Fields
I drink therefore I am.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
W. C. Fields
Ain't fit for man nor beast
W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
