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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Flies
Best
Ever
Everything
Come
More quotes by W. C. Fields
A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
