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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Best
Ever
Everything
Come
Flies
More quotes by W. C. Fields
What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
W. C. Fields
Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
W. C. Fields
The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
W. C. Fields
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. Fields
Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
W. C. Fields
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields