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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Best
Ever
Everything
Come
Flies

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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