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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Philadelphia
Fog
Closed
Week
Went
Lasts
Last

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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields