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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Closed
Week
Went
Lasts
Last
Philadelphia
Fog

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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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