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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Last
Philadelphia
Fog
Closed
Week
Went
Lasts
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
