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I never met a kid I liked.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Kids
Never
Liked
Mets

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
W. C. Fields
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
W. C. Fields
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
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I'm searching for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields