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I never met a kid I liked.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Never
Liked
Mets
Kids

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. Fields
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields