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I never met a kid I liked.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Kids
Never
Liked
Mets

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. Fields
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
W. C. Fields
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields