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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Abstaining
Favorable
Abstinence
Pocket
Pockets
Head

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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Never work with animals or children.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields