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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Abstaining
Favorable
Abstinence
Pocket
Pockets
Head

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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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I like children - fried.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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