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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Sells
Ahead
Drink
Ways
Two
Today
Real
Liquor
Way
Sell
More quotes by W. C. Fields
When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
