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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Ever
Children
Neither
Comedy
Seen
Heard

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
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I'm looking for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
W. C. Fields