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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Seen
Heard
Ever
Children
Neither
Comedy
More quotes by W. C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
