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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Humor
Water
Rusts
Funny
Pipes
Stuff
Alcoholism
Never
Rust
Pipe
Alcohol
Drink
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. Fields
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields