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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Never
Rust
Pipe
Alcohol
Drink
Humor
Water
Rusts
Funny
Pipes
Stuff
Alcoholism
More quotes by W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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