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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drink
Humor
Water
Rusts
Funny
Pipes
Stuff
Alcoholism
Never
Rust
Pipe
Alcohol
More quotes by W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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