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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drink
Humor
Water
Rusts
Funny
Pipes
Stuff
Alcoholism
Never
Rust
Pipe
Alcohol
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields