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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Keep
Brilliant
Stimulants
Also
Drinking
Handy
Book
Case
Snake
Always
Drink
Alcoholics
Humor
Snakes
Cases
Supply
Funny
Beer
Inspirational
Alcohol
Stimulant
More quotes by W. C. Fields
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
Ain't fit for man nor beast
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. Fields
Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
