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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Whisky
Sting
Drown
Whiskey
Cold
Comedy
Death
Vat
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
You can't cheat an honest man.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
