Quote

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Nerves
Case
Cases
Another
Best
Bartender
Thing
Whisky
Scotch
Whiskey

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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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