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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Getting
Place
Men
Nonsense
World
Danger
Lucky
Dangerous
Comedy
Alive

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields